Akron, OH's The Haunted School and Laboratory

Akron, Ohio's Haunted School and Lab are one of those attractions that started from a grass roots home haunt, and, with time, creativity, and a genuine love for Halloween, have evolved into something truly special.

My wife and I have seen spectacular haunts all over the country, but this one in particular has a such wonderful atmosphere to it - mix equal parts of the best of the Universal Monsters, 1970's haunt nostalgia, tons of imaginative and beautifully executed sets and costumes,  a darker edged dose of Disney's Haunted Mansion, and a commitment to quality and originality and you've got this place.

The Haunted Schoolhouse has been going since 1974 and the Laboratory since 1981, so, as whole, that's thirty-nine years of professional experience scaring the living daylights out of people...I can name only one other haunt that has run longer, and that's only by a year or two and they've moved a few times - this place has been in the same spot all these years.

One the key elements to their continued success is that it's a community event when they open their doors - Akron, Ohio, while not exactly a huge city, has it's fair share of places to go, things to do, and sights to see...this place has a warmth and charm that is sorely lacking from a lot of attractions...in spite of what a lot of people may think, the old adage of making the customer feel welcome applies here as well.

I've been to a few haunts where the owners and staff are only in it for the money, and it shows! You can have the best props, effects and location in the world, but if you your people are an insufferable buttholes, it's all for naught.

Not true here - on our first visit in 2008, we arrived particularly early, and a young man was already made up and stalking the premises - we had a really good conversation with him, he took a few pictures with us and of us, and welcomed us to come back again some time - turns out, this guy's name is Ryan Haidet, and he handles all the PR for the School and Lab...you could say that's extreme self-interest (and a lot of the  time I wouldn't argue with you), but we made a second sojourn that year, and he saw us right in the front of the line. He gave us one of the warmest and sincere "glad to see you again!" greetings we've ever had....he also helped us snag a couple of t-shirts..all I can say is our gratitude to him extends to today!

This warmth translate to the entire working staff, btw - as I said earlier, this is a big community event...it's also very grass roots and one of the prides of the Akron community. Everyone here is a joy to talk to and  always affable and accommodating to every question. That's one of *biggest* reasons it's so special.

In terms of the sets - wow, I mean, just WOW!

I said this on my HAUNTCAST segment, and I'll repeat it here - this is the place to see if you're looking for inspiration for your own attraction or (in particular) home haunt.

All the technological advances are nice flourishes to add spice on an attraction, but, you have to have a solid foundation first. Modern audiences are far more sophisticated, and all that pizzazz is great eye candy, true, but, as they say, "Where's the Beef?"

The beauty of this one is simple - they've constructed (and reconstructed) the majority of their sets and props, and, with forty years of experience, have developed a unique and remarkable haunt with substance and character. 

There's nothing like doing it yourself, is there?

The quality and detail here is U N R E A L...it genuinely rivals the pros with all their technical wizardry...dare I say it, the folks behind all this could make a killing selling props of their own!

My wife and I have our own home - or rather, apartment - haunt, and overall, we build our own props...coming to this place just blew us away and really pushed us to step up our game.

I can't say this enough - when going through the attractions, take an extra moment or two to take it all in - the quality, sophistication and detailing on the place is unlike anything you'll see in a scratch built haunt.

That level of fine detailing applies to the costumes here as well - there are so many unique and well constructed monsters, it's a testament to the imagination of their creators - of course, Freddy, Michael, Jason, and a few other notables all put in appearances, but, quite frankly, it's the home spun horrors that make the place.

Highlights? That's a tough one! One of the *best* - and I don't say that lightly - Castle Dracula sets in the country - check their website's photo section for a look at it. This is something you really need to stop and take a closer look at - there's also a terrific Frankenstein's lab - and take a really close look at Frankie, too...terrific stuff...also worth looking over is a massive cemetery that's been around, tweaked and perfected, for who-knows-how-long...oh, and say "hello" to George who just seems to take forever in the bathroom....

Remember, as I mentioned at the top of this article, this is along the lines of a darker version of Disney's Haunted Mansion - it's best to err on the side of caution in regards to younger children - I consider this one semi-kid friendly...about eight or nine years of age being the cut off...truthfully, most of the younger kids we've seen there tend to dig it, so, draw your own conclusions!

...also, when they advertise seven levels of terror, they aren't kidding - and it's *all* by stairs! My family and I are in reasonable shape, and those things just about killed us! Please take that into consideration if you come here, there are NO access elevators!

Their website is www.hshlab.com, and is loaded with pictures, lore and information.

I really can't add too much more to that - aside from adding that if you are interested in checking this one out, drop me a line and my wife and I will be delighted to meet you there...

Next time around, we'll be heading to Columbus, Ohio, to visit one of the wildest and goriest haunts in the Buckeye state - Dead Acres, a.k.a. "The Haunted Hoochie", the notorious "Black Sheep of the Haunting Industry",  a reputation well-earned, I might add...

Until then, Stay Scary!      

     Our Godkids, Bonnie and Shaun Fontanne of Rockford, Illinois, mugging it up for me....

A Trip to THE DARKNESS of St. Louis...

 

Ah, yes....The Darkness - almost universally acclaimed as one of the best haunted houses in the country...and y'know, something? It's really hard to dispute that claim...

I can count the number of haunts that are even close this one's greatness on one hand - yep, this is one of the Big Ones, folks - a "Must See Before You Die" type experience for the haunt thrill seeker.

            
The attraction itself is set in an older industrial building, and the owners went to great pains to take out any semblance of the location's interior - as we all know, any suspension of disbelief goes right out the window when a piece of reality creeps in (I'll touch more on that a bit later) but that's not a problem here!

What I loved about it the most was how it combines the traditional and the technological in a ghoulish unification guaranteed to delight even the most blasé haunter...and, yes, I wrote that myself!

In a nutshell, you have a very traditional haunted house, but with an attention to detail that goes above and beyond most haunts - all those little knick-knacks and bits and pieces of fine detailing that add to a scene's believability  - think of it in terms of a living room scene set in your own home and all the tiny items that would be lying on the table, on the floor, etc. That adds a tinge of realism that accents the scares just that bit more.

Throw in a smattering of the latest technological pieces mixed with some really fantastic sets and, well, what else can I add?

Highlights include a great dungeon sequence, complete with something Rather Nasty waiting in a fountain, a dinosaur surprise where you least expect it, and one the most elaborate Mummy's Tombs I've ever seen - I'm an enormous Universal Monsters fan, so, anything even related to characters like Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolf Man or the Mummy just make the trip so much more worthwhile...take a moment or two to take this one in, it's genuinely breath-taking.

As a whole, The Darkness does not have an overriding theme - there is a loose House of Horrors vibe to it all - but when you reach this level of flow and sophistication, you just kick back and enjoy the ride...

Be ready with your cameras, too, as you wait your turn in line - even here, there are props, set pieces and surprises galore - I was genuinely awed by the level they went to just for the entry gate - fantastic stuff!

Also worthy of note is a 3-D clown segment to the attraction called Terror Visions - and while the clown thing never really appealed to me, this is one of the best you will find, a wonderful blend of ultraviolet and 3-D effects, very well done.

Another nifty twist to The Darkness is that it's creators understand the element of surprise better than most - things have this habit of just jumping out at you, sneaking up behind you and popping up in the last place you would expect...my advice is to put the jumpiest person in your group in the front and watch the fun...granted, they may never speak to you again, but, hey, that's the breaks...they'll get over it...

There's a gift shop at the end - dubbed The Monster Museum - that is really worth it's weight in gold - adorned with life-sized mock ups of Michael Jackson's were cat from his Thriller video, an Alien, a Predator and one of the best mock-ups of the Creature from the Black Lagoon I've ever come into contact with - remember what I mentioned about the Universal Monsters earlier? Take note of the photograph below! - my son Mike and I were just gawking....and, oddly enough, we completely forgot to buy anything in the midst of all that picture taking. Go figure!

I said this on HAUNTCAST, I'll repeat it here - don't even think about bringing a young kid into this - no one below age ten, and, quite frankly, that's pushing it from my perspective - this thing is dark, gory and intense to huge degree - I saw quite a few adults flipping out that night and I shudder to think what it would do to a little kid.

The Darkness is part of a website network called Scarefest (www.scarefest.com) and they also have their own as well (www.thedarkness.com), although the Scarefest site seems to be the primary place for information and background material.

As you can probably imagine, this place has received a literal ton of media attention, a lot of it available on YouTube - for a nifty behind the scenes look, check out the user "McKamey Manor" for some really interesting pieces...also worthy of note is the America Haunts series, (www.americahaunts.com)  who did a very revealing piece on the site and it's creators...this, too, is floating around on YouTube and is well worth a look....

A point worth mentioning: I discussed atmosphere earlier - a great example of blowing the atmosphere was in a haunt we saw last year, set up in a recently defunct shopping complex, more than likely one that housed a K-Mart, WalMart or something of that ilk...anyway, as we traveled through their "labyrinthine paths" - hey, it was in their promo, not mine! - all you had to do look was look up and see the sprinkler systems...not to mention the walls were a bit on the short side, and you could see the plate glass windows of the entrance...yeah....needless to say, that blew it right there...another pet peeve of mine...

A little trivia - do *I* get scared anymore by haunted houses?

Truth be told, no, not really...I can be startled - I think no one gets past that - by genuinely scared? Nah. I'm far past that point. I go to see this for the artistic aspect and showmanship - dazzle me, thrill me - all that sort of thing - I want to be amazed y'know? Show me what ya' got!

           

In that regard, The Darkness pays off in spades - you just cannot afford to miss this one!

Next time around, we'll be heading to Akron, Ohio to visit the Haunted School and Lab - it's been up and running for over thirty years and is one of the best the Buckeye state - not to mention the country! - has to offer and another of the "must see" variety!

Until then, Stay Scary! 

USS NIGHTMARE - The Ship of Haunted Dreams

The USS Nightmare will always hold a special place in my heart - located out of Newport, KY, directly across the Ohio River by Cincinnati - this was the first truly major haunt my wife and I ever visited - most prior to this were of the farmer's field/haunted hayride/small property owner variety - not that there is anything wrong with them, we've been fortunate to see a few in this category that really understood how to make the most of what they had, and do it extremely well - but the Nightmare just took things to another level for us.

In and of itself, the concept of the haunted steamboat is quite popular - do a quick Google search and you'll see what I mean - however, there is something quite unique here...the ship has a genuine early-American falling-into-decay feel, which really intensifies the ghost ship vibe... take a good look at it in the dusk and evening hours - speaks for itself.

I've always felt the wait in the ticket line should be part of the experience, sort of a tension builder - that, and chatting with the various like-minded folk, but that's another matter - and if this doesn't help build up a convincing atmosphere, nine times out of ten, neither will the main event.

(....ever been to a haunt and the exterior is not much more than some hastily assembled plywood walls or used to be a K-Mart...? Kind of kills the suspension of disbelief, doesn't it?...by the way, I'm establishing some criteria here for future reviews, so pay attention, gentle reader!)

Another aspect that I love about the haunt is the layout, design and sets - I grew up in the '70s/'80s - yes, I'm *that* old! - where atmosphere and inspired acting was king. 

The Nightmare is spectacularly designed - a haunted house/ghost ship that ebbs and flows almost with a life of it's own - you're drawn through crypts, tombs and various ports of call, never quite knowing what - or whom - you're going to bump into...all the while, it's not overwhelming you with technological tricks and treats - and while there are a few, it's not to the point of overkill.

The set pieces are fantastically crafted and quite realistic, and the tactical lighting produces a sinister, swirling, gothic atmosphere. 

The beauty of it all is the consistency of the flow - there are no "switching themes" right in the middle of the action or dropping some creature or prop completely out of character with everything else - while mixed themes can work to fantastic effect - I'm not knocking them - that would not work here, and I think Those Who Are Behind the Scenes know this.

All of this leads up to the actors, who are truly some of the best in the business, and they make the haunt - they all have fleshed out characters and all I can add is BEWARE THE CAPTAIN! 

The haunt runs about half an hour - give or take - and there are lots of twists and turns, not to mention stairs, and those with a fear of heights may want to consider carefully - there's a few spots that will make your head spin! 

From a personal standpoint, we've been to the Nightmare three times - in '06, '07 and '11 - all three were delightful experiences with '07 being the most memorable as we we're fortunate to meet the owner, who, when we had mentioned that it was my son's birthday - which it was - offered us all a second run through free of charge as a present to him - you don't see that every day!

As far as intensity goes, I would not recommend this one for really young or sensitive kids - while not excessively gory, the realism and intensity to the Nightmare may upset the younger set. I wouldn't bring *any* child under ten to this one...that is, unless you're a mean-spirited creep and want a ton of psychiatric and dry cleaning bills from the trauma you've put your kid through!

There's an unspoken rule of thumb among haunt lovers: if your kid can't handle it, for pity's sake, DON'T BRING THEM! You won't toughen the child up by doing this, and, quite frankly, you look like a sadistic asshole to the rest of us, plus, you're pissing us off by wrecking our evening with the child's terrified screams....a little common sense goes a long way here...

As do most major haunts nowadays, the Nightmare offers a photo op at the top of the attraction - what sets them apart from a lot of the competition is their rather slick choice of backgrounds.....at the bottom of this post you'll find my favorite shot from our 2006 visit...we've had our pics done with each visit, but there's nothing like the first time, is there?

Check out their home page at:

www.ussnightmare.com

for all the back story, desktop wallpapers and all the insider info you could want.

Next time around, we'll take a look at The Darkness in St. Louis, MO, considered by many as one of the top five haunted attractions in the country. 

'Til next time, stay scary!